I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
