Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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