She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
