yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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