I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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