Just took my morning after pill in the library
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
