Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
