I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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