I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
