I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
