Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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