I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
