My nipple is on Facebook.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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