I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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