i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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