mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
