Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
