Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
