She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
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