I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
A bitchslap is in order.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
