i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
