found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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