Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
