I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
