ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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