Already got asked if we're dating
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
