I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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