if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
