Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
