best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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