this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
