nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
