Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
