You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
