that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
