you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
