I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
