We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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