I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
