his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
