What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
