After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
