I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
