can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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