Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
