Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
