You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
