He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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