Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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