i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
