it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
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