Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
