No stitches, just platelets and will power
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
