mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
