All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
