I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
