and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
