btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
