Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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