I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We have started to decorate penises.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
