New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Can I color on your dick again?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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