A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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