So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
