I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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