Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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