you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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