I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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