By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
