Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize