omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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