Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
