It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We talked him into tasing himself.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My ass is underappreciated
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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