how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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