so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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